Fucking birds

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Fucking birds

Post by selfish »

So there's this terrible bird that sounds like an alarm clock and goes off at 5:45 each morning. I'd like to get it to live in a different tree- it seems to be in a gum tree not far from our house.

Any ideas? I'm thinking about getting a Nerf gun and pissing it off every time it makes that fucking noise, but that involves getting out of bed too early. Or any Nerf suggestions for range and power?
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by jizzlobber »

Oh I thought this was going to be about having sex with our avian companions.

I don't have anything to contribute then
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by General Chaos »

Air Rifle.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by Twit »

It all depends on what sort of bird it is. Please make a recording of yourself imitating the bird call and post it here for further advice. It might also help with identification if you could dress up like it.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by Scullibundo »

I know it's the one cootie-free zone, but you might just have to stop camping out in your tree house.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by t0mby »

Start work earlier, perhaps at such a time that requires you to wake up at 5:45.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by Cletus »

I have all sorts of surprises for birds that shouldn't be.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by unfnknblvbl »

there used to be a magpie that would sit on the street sign outside my house at 5ish every morning and warble away. It probably considered its actions to be highly amusing.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by Gamma »

Used to be.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by itch »

How about a slingshot?
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by Misly »

I was fucking this bird once and...
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by Deef »

We've got this crow that just caws away, but somehow the acoustics of the place around us just amplify it so much, like the thing's in our room. Always so early, so loud, but we can only find it funny. Crows are simply funny, how loud and lonely and silence-shattering they are.

One day I will just stand on the balcony and yell "SHUTUP CROW!", and I know neighbours will be laughing, 'cos the mofo is just that loud.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by selfish »

So slingshot, air rifle, Nerf. What's cheapest and most effective?
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by MiNiStRy »

Cletus wrote:I have all sorts of surprises for birds that shouldn't be.

Mr guns the bird man he certainly does have some nifty things :up:
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by Gamma »

selfish wrote:So slingshot, air rifle, Nerf. What's cheapest and most effective?
Slingshot would be the cheapest and only marginally less effective than an air rifle. Plus once you deal with the bird you'll have a sweet slingshot.

Not sure how far away this tree is but a super soaker can work wonders, and you won't accidentally kill or maim anything.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by t0mby »

Gamma wrote:
selfish wrote:
Not sure how far away this tree is but a super soaker can work wonders, and you won't accidentally kill or maim anything.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by Lepo5 »

Leave the bird alone and kill the tree.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by itch »

pffft that's thinking laterally.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by Cletus »

An old do it yourself method I've heard of...

If you can catch it, (double sided tape on a board with bird seed in the middle would work and you can do it yourself) gently hold it and push your finger down the bird's throat until the head splits apart. Don't be frightened to go knuckle deep. Problem solved. No poisons needed either.

Three turns of the head either clockwise or anticlockwise will also work.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by jizzlobber »

My work mate has a minor bird problem which is actually quite major... he has a cat trap thing set up, puts them n a plastic bag and fills it with car exhaust.

Reckons he has killed over 20 but they keep on coming, bit like a runny nose I guess.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by Cletus »

Carbon monoxide is used for foxes generally. Oh and sometimes divorcees.
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by GreyWizzard »

Hey Jizz, has your friend moved onto larger animals, say cats, dogs... humans?
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by jizzlobber »

Dunno... too scared to ask :)
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by selfish »

Tried super-soaker, but the ones I could get wouldn't shoot far enough. Slingshot sounds good, where do you get one from?
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Re: Fucking birds

Post by GreyWizzard »

Chest inside the Great Deku Tree.
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