This episode initially began within my Wii launch thread, when Cletus from out of the blue decided to blatantly attack me with some premeditated bigotry comments directed specifically at me. He did so by quoting me, and then making comments about Nintendo attracting only “bi-curious” gamers and how I personally “should be thankful that Nintendo supports backwards compatibility” (which would be funny if it were not made as an individual insult - his prejudiced attacks were also much more extreme in chat). Most members on GR would be aware that I have innocently & light-heartedly labelled myself “bi-curious”, as I am experimenting throughout me adolescence and high school years (I’m 17).
I following reading Cletus’s comments, sent a PM attacking him for his actions and chose to include one small pornographic image to teasingly remind him of the subject matter he has chosen to insult me with. Cletus replied to my PM by lashing out with vulgar names whilst also boasting how he can delete my account and how I am “hovering over a banstick”. He then immediately banned me from the freemasons forum and deleted my privileges from posting in the front-page forum. Calculatedly he proceeded to create a threat with his own spin about the incident in the freemasons forum, aware it would be impossible for me to defend myself within a thread I cannot view. He additionally created a front-page topic again regarding this issue, which he then deleted for unknown reasons (and which I personally did not see).
I understand that non-politically correct terms are commonly used in online forums, but what makes this occurrence different is Cletus chose to out of nowhere enter into a thread to personally and exclusively attack me with bigotry comments, using my personal life to shamelessly further his insults. I understand the initial bigotry comments made by Cletus were according to him to “troll” and “bait”, but frankly I must ask, isn’t there anything better for Cletus to do then slam my personal life in a public forum just so he can pop a boner for a successful online troll, especially if he is indeed a moderator?
In the last 24 hours I have had the ability to retaliate Cletus’s (and others) attacks against me, by stooping to a level that I refuse to drop to. Cletus has continually baited me to make a move, and if I wanted to, I could. Though Cletus has deleted my ability to create new front-page topics, something crucial he failed to realise is I still have the ability to edit my currently heading front-page post, meaning if I wanted to, the Game Ranch homepage could have been uploaded with hardcore pornography hours ago (which I WONT be doing! even though Cletus has baited me to try my best).
Another very high profile Games Ranch member who has recently also attacked me concerning this matter has prior at one point, carelessly posted an irrelevant photo within the forum. Snooping into that image link for a few minutes’ forwards to this GR member’s personal online blog. Within his blog, he discusses some extremely confidential & distressing issues, including his battle with a mental illness, emotional instability, negative effects of medications concerning his mental disorder and thoughts of suicide, which he expresses through entries and poetry he has written.
I feel as though I am doomed to walk this tedious path for the rest of my days with no "loving embrace to see me though".
My self confidence and self-esteem are at an all-time low, and I honestly can't tell if the anti-depressants are working or not. If it were not for the faint glimmer of hope, I probably would "walk away" from life and all.
I guess I was hoping to get some emotional stability happening or something. To get numbed right out, even. The thing is, they don't seem to be doing anything - I'm actually suffering more severe mood swings than I did before I was on them. Last night, for instance, the waterworks just came on for no reason whatsoever, and all day today, I've been on the verge of just losing control of it all.
It's good to cry every now & then, but I really need to be able to maintain a level of control over my emotional wellbeing. I wish I had some stability in my life, and that people would just understand that I have a mental illness.
Mentally and emotionally, I'm about ready to just shut down into a coma.
Fuck I hate life. Why can't I stop crying?
Spare me from your heart
For I've a broken mind
When I have time to heal,
I'll get right back to you
If there were no reward to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through,
This tedious path I've chosen here;
I certainly would have walked away by now.
I'm on the lithium.
Because of you, I'm on the lithium.
We'll never know what it could have been.
Shattered and numb, I've never felt so alone.
I of course had no idea what I had stumbled into with my snooping, but tell me Cletus & gang, shall I now expose this high profile GR member’s identify, link everyone to his blog and personally begin to ridicule him for my own amusement and fun session of “trolling” and “baiting”? (I would like to say to this person that I apologise for using you as an example, and that I have absolutely no intention of revealing who you are).Fourteen long years, I hated you so much
I blamed you for everything wrong in life
Bearing my grudge, holding my heart so high
But then you came back to life, and I only wanted to hurt you.
Then I saw you did not know what you had done to me.
I fell down.
I fell down.
For so long I tore myself out of you
As my heart lay beating upon the floor
I can't help but scream at you for more
But then you came back to life, and I only wanted to hurt you.
Then I saw you did not know what you had done to me.
I fell down.
I fell down.
I fell down again.
Should I also maybe post some anti-semitic propaganda and visual material including the highly notorious swastika imbedded Star of David to individually attack Jewish members of GR (and there are quite a few), or to a higher degree of lameness, mock GR members with obesity issues who had previously discussed their weight concerns at other forums?
The point I am trying to make is I understand offensive and at time bigotry terms will be used within this forum time to time, but I 100% condemn members using other’s members personal lives as a tool to bait and troll.
Though I find it distressing that Cletus has any form of power within this wonderfully developed forum, I also have to declare that the moderators of this forum have failed to control this matter and recognise that some things just shouldn’t be allowed to occur, a basic principle even the moderators at PlayNOW! are fully aware of, when they properly managed such situations.
Though I do agree that I possibly did overreact, I will NOT be leaving this forum, as other then this incident and a prior episode with Candy Arse/Megaman, my time here has been fantastic and trouble free. I understand some members may now proceed to call me a “faggot” or “poofter” to bait me, but (a) it’s not going to work, and (b) hopefully GR moderating improves to ensure any matter of discrimination is managed properly, or this forum will indeed never progress and develop to become a new and improved PlayNOW! (with 1000+ members) or even an Australian Neo-GAF alternative (if that were your strategy).
